Bring Back the King

Once upon a time (from 1933 - 1978), in the Hindu Kush Mountains,
Afghanistan was a relatively peaceful, stable, amazingly beautiful
country.

Until 1973 it was ruled by King Mohammad Zahir Shah, a beloved,
pro-cannabis monarch.

That year, while the king was visiting Italy (for eye surgery and to
treat his lumbago), he was overthrown by a jealous, resentful, evil
cousin, Mohammed Daoud Khan (the Villain Daoud), who was backed by the
C.I.A., Richard Nixon, and The War on Plants.

According to reports from US spy agencies and Afghan sources in
Holland, the King offered armed protection and horticultural advice to
marijuana growers, encouraging them to increase their yield with
modern fertilization and green-revolution innovations. The King's top
aides were allegedly involved in overt hashish smuggling. DEA
officials even allege that the King's private jet was used to smuggle
tons of hashish to Italy and other European countries.

The king was a kind and wise ruler. He introduced free elections, a
national parliament, civil rights, liberation and education for women,
universal suffrage. He didn't want to oppress his proud, warrior
people with taxes to support the government, the monarchy. He didn't
need to. He funded the government, the monarchy, his private jet with
the proceeds from the sale of quality Afghani Home-Grown Hashish, some
of the most primo Hashish in the whole world.

When President Richard Nixon read the reports from U.S. spy agencies,
about the King, he said, "We can't have this."

Nixon, the C.I.A. and the War on Plants overthrew the legitimate, the
successful government, the beloved monarch that peacefully governed
Afghanistan.

There were many who wanted to fight and perhaps die to bring back the
King. But the King didn't want his people to suffer the horrors of
civil war. He abdicated.

From the overthrow of the legitimate governance of Afghanistan backed
by Nixon, the C.I.A., the War on Plants came the disruption, the
unravelling, of the country. It brought chaos and weakness which
brought the cultivation of poppies (which before the overthrow of the
King was discouraged and was not extensive). It encouraged the Soviet
Union to occupy the country.

The Soviet Occupation created the jihad against Soviet Occupation,
which was backed by the Pakistani Secret Service (I.S.I.) and the
C.I.A., in which people like Osama bin Laden were created.

From this came 9/11.

From 9/11 comes the extraordinary power that Gee Dub and Shotgun Dick
usurped, because they could.

And from this comes the total screwing of the pooch, this horrible
lurch into the Dark Side, in which we are arrived at in this
so-foreboding moment.

Meanwhile, in Italy, the King lived in a modest four-bedroom villa. He
played golf. He played chess. He smoked Primo Home-Grown Afghani Hash
- some of the most exquisite Hashish in the world. In 1991 he survived
an attempted assassination (by a knife-welding man who posed as a
Portuguese Journalist).

In April 2002, while Afghanistan was under NATO occupation The King
returned to Afghanistan. He opened the Loya Jirga, the grand assembly
of all the representatives of the Afghan People.

There were many who wanted The King to rule. There were many who
wanted to bring back the Constitutional Monarchy. But Gee Dub, Shotgun
Dick, the C.I.A., the War on Plants - did not want this. They wanted
the heroine-dealer Hamid Karzai, who has alway been the bee-otch of
the oil industry.

The beloved King died in his homeland on July 23, 2007. He was 93.

And yet, this story still can have a near-fairy tale, happy ending.

The King had six sons and two daughters. Four of the sons live. In
2008, a grandson was preparing to run in the 2009 election. But Gee
Dub, Shotgun Dick, the C.I.A., the War on Plants told him to step
aside for the corrupt, heroine-dealer Karzai, who has always been the
bee-otch of the oil industry.

And yet Afghanistan can still become a relatively peaceful, stable,
very beautiful place - again.

Bring back the Constitutional Monarchy.

Legalize the sale of quality Afghani Home-Grown Hashish, some of the
most primo, exquisite Hashish in the whole, damn world.